Rachel Eats a Tombstone

I have to admit, I have been bested. Never before have I experienced the meat sweats so intensely. The air of SUB felt heavy, and I could feel the grease in my bones. I ate a Tombstone. More like, most of a tombstone...

When I signed up for this, I had no idea what I was in for – but apparently my friends and acquaintances did! When I told them my plan, I was met with faces that were mixed with worry and an evil sort of excitement. One of those faces belonged to my fellow YA contributor, Niabi, who was kind (or evil?) enough to offer to document my tombstone attempt, because, as she put it “no one should ever eat one of those alone.” So, here’s what happened (with commentary by both Niabi and I).

Rachel: Before the Deed

As I walked away from Marco’s Donair in SUB, the weight of the Tombstone in my hands, I could see the next hour of my life: I had been warned of the meat sweats, the grease, and the heaviness that the donair/poutine’s mouthwatering yumminess would leave in my stomach. I was remaining confident, but when the workers at Marco’s had asked me how many forks I needed and I replied with “only one,” their eyes silently conveyed the message “good luck with that” before they went back to helping the line.

Niabi: The Delighted Observer

After 15 minutes of eating, Rachel’s facial expressions started to change, and so at this point I decided to write down her reactions and the things she was saying. The result is this time log. And yes, I timed her.

16.00 minutes in: At this point, a good two quarters into the Tombstone, Rachel said “I think I’m full, because when I move, it hurts.”

17.00 minutes in: Removing her cardigan Rachel said, “I want to sit on the floor.”

17.38 minutes in: “You need a fan to eat this.” (The Tombstone is not spicy people, it is just so large that you may work up a sweat while eating it).

18.00 minutes in: “I think I’m gonna call it quits.” Rachel burps. “It hurts to laugh.” She said.

18.30 minutes in: Rachel asks me “Niabi, did you wear stretchy pants? Because I wore stretchy pants.”

18.33 minutes in: Rachel lies back on the couch and closes her eyes, proceeding to take a nap.

21.00 minutes in: Rachel is eating the Tombstone again.

Image Courtesy of Simpson's Quotes on Pintrest

But how did we get here? Why is the Tombstone even a thing? What kind of person says, "I want to stick a full order of poutine inside an already packed donair?" It turns out that the answer is David McBean, U of A alum, and former SU Services volunteer and staff member. Meeting in front of Marco’s, he told us some insider information about the Tombstone, how it was named, and what it takes to finish one.

First up, he explained the name to us.

David: Well, the first donair that we made was called the Wild Cat donair, which was inspired by our favourite band called Ratatat (Note: he was wearing the band’s shirt!), and they have a song called Wild Cat. At the time, when my friends and I were eating donairs a lot, we were pretty obsessed with the song Wild Cat by Ratatat and that’s how we came up with that name.

For the Tombstone, we were all eating Wild Cats in SUB and playing Oregon Trail, which is like an old, 1990s video game. (Note: he would have been playing this around 2010 or 2011…. So, he’s not THAT much older than we are.) The gist of the game is that you load up a caravan and you try to make it across the United States and not die of terrible diseases, and when we reached the end of the map, everyone had died except for one person, Flavour Flav. He was the last person left, and as he was sailing down the final Oregon river, he crashed and died, and a big tombstone appeared in the game. If you look at the Tombstone’s poster, it’s a screenshot of the tombstone from Oregon Trail.

Next up, was the inspiration for adding poutine to a donair.

David: In high school, we had a poutine club, which started out as four friends (shout out to Eric, Wyatt, and Tyler!). Right by Harry Ainlay there was a Poutine Palace restaurant, and every Friday we’d get poutine there. It just started as the four of us and as the years went on, the size of the poutine group got bigger and bigger until eventually it was like 30 people.

When we were all in grade 12 the poutine palace shut down, tragically, and in place of it a donair store opened up. So instead, the group of us went and got donairs every Friday, and when we all went to university we wanted to keep this tradition, so we started the donair club. We’d go to Marco’s every Friday as a big group in SUB and we’d all eat donairs, and after doing that for about a year, we first came up with the Wild Cat, and maybe six months after that, as a tribute to our poutine roots, we wanted to put the poutine inside of the Wild Cat, and ended up calling it the Tombstone.

So, obviously, I couldn’t finish a tombstone. Which lead us to ask, can David?

David: I…have been one bite away, and it’s been one of my greatest regrets. That was the first time I tried it, and I’ve tried multiple times, and I haven’t been able to do it. I’ve seen lots of people do it, and Wyatt Young, the other co-inventor of the Tombstone, is the first one to ever complete one and he finished it on his first try.

Image courtesy of reactiongif.com

*Niabi and I applaud*

So knowing that, we asked David what kind of personal attributes one would need to finish a Tombstone.

David: It’s a lot of lying to yourself. I think you need to tell yourself that you still have space in your stomach. Maybe some stuff to wash it down, like some tea or water, would help you finish it. But it’s definitely one of the most challenging things to eat. It’s a lot of mental preparation. And as long as you do it fast enough. Don’t they say you can eat as much as you can in around 5-10 minutes? Yeah, so you’ve got to trick yourself.

David then told us why he thinks people should give the Tombstone – now a U of A quirk – a try.

David: *laughs* Um, you know, I feel like it’s part of being alive, like it should be on everyone’s bucket list. At least a onetime thing, just to say you’ve gone out there, you took a risk, you ordered a Tombstone, and you accomplished it. And I think it just kind of helps us all experience life in a nutshell.

So that’s the story of Rachel eating a Tombstone, with some extra background for anyone who has ever said “who’s idea was this?!?!?”

Difficulty Scale (form 1 to 10):

The first half is like a one, but then it gets exponentially closer to ten at the end. The last two bites are a ten out of ten, like it just feels greasy, you’re sweating from the meat. So overall a ten, but it definitely starts out easier than it finishes.

Note: Difficulty rating courtesy of Tombstone creator, David McBean.

Rachel - YouAlberta Contributor

Rachel never leaves her house without a pair of good headphones, her current favourite read, and a cup of tea. She’s a third-year English Major and Linguistics Minor who mainly enjoys hanging out with cats, but will leave their side for the promise of some live music and the company of friends. Some of her dreams include sleeping in and never running into a scary insect ever again.

Niabi - YouAlberta Contributor

Niabi is a third year student just starting a BA in English with a Spanish Minor. She’s a relentless optimist, hazardously curious, and tends to laugh a lot (her friends would say that she has a juvenile sense of humour). When not spending money she doesn’t have on clothes, or jamming out to Reggaeton, you can find her in a movie theatre, reading a book that involves sword fighting and dragons.

Breaking Barriers

Recent Science graduate Sean Graham shares his experience as a participant of the U of A's Undergraduate Research Initiative (URI). And spoiler alert! His undergraduate research project has gone well beyond mere interdisciplinary theorizing.
In 2013, I received funding from the Undergraduate Research Initiative to develop a new approach to modernizing Canada’s Single Member Plurality (SMP) electoral system. At the time, I was pursuing a degree in both physics and political science. This made the project a great opportunity for me to utilize the knowledge and skills I had acquired from both of my areas of study. I was first able to draw on my political science background to develop a new electoral system – called Dual-Member Mixed Proportional (DMP) – that would address the democratic shortcomings of SMP in the Canadian context. From there I was able to make use of the computer programming skills I picked up while studying physics to test this new system on past Canadian federal and provincial elections. The comprehensive approach I was able to take in working on this project not only increased the quality of the end result greatly, it also provided useful experience in how to bring a broad set of skills together for a single project.

After completing this work, I was fortunate to have the Department of Political Science sponsor a public lecture about my new electoral system. This provided significant assistance in getting the word out about my research. Indeed, as a result of this lecture, I was invited to present DMP to political science classes at the University of Alberta and advocacy groups, such as Fair Vote Edmonton. However, with no government in Canada considering electoral system reform in 2013, the opportunities available to generate a broader discussion about this kind of research were very limited.
That changed last year. PEI announced that it was going to make another attempt at reforming its electoral system by conducting a plebiscite on the matter in 2016. The new government in Alberta struck a committee to review the Election Act, which may include a discussion about electoral system reform. Finally, the federal election last October brought the Liberal Party back to power with the promise that the next election will be decided by a new electoral system.

In addition to reaching out to the federal political parties, I have made formal submissions to the appropriate committees in Alberta and PEI. While the process in Alberta has barely begun and the federal process hasn’t even started, PEI has made some meaningful progress on this file. Last November, its Special Committee on Democratic Renewal released its first report, which recommended that four alternative electoral systems be considered for inclusion in the plebiscite to be held later this year. I am quite honoured to be able to say that DMP is one of these four alternatives. With the second round of consultations now concluded, the Committee will be finalizing the plebiscite question, which will be made public sometime in the spring.

Without the Undergraduate Research Initiative, this project would not have been possible. Being a student in the Faculty of Science pursuing a research topic in political science disqualified me from the traditional research funding opportunities. By specializing in interdisciplinary research, the Undergraduate Research Initiative fills an important void left by the other research funding programs. It is my hope that the Undergraduate Research Initiative will be able to continue funding research projects like mine and continue to break down the often ridged barriers between different academic disciplines.

Those interested in learning more about my electoral system research should visit DMPForCanada.wordpress.com. And those just as interested in learning about other undergraduate research activities should definitely check out FURCA the Undergraduate Research Initiative’s annual, campus-wide celebration of undergraduate research, showcasing the research and creative achievements of undergraduate students across all disciplines.

YouAlberta Spotlight: Meet the CRO

It’s that time of the year again… SU ELECTIONS! This year, YouAlberta decided to have a chat with the Chief Returning Officer (CRO) to learn more about her important role in the upcoming SU Elections. We also asked her a bunch of random questions.... YouAlberta random questions. So, meet Jessica Nguyen, the University of Alberta Students’ Union’s CRO!




Of course, no YouAlberta interview would be complete without asking the YA Random Questions!



For more information about the SU elections, please visit the SU's election page.

And don’t forget to VOTE, UAlberta! :)

9 things you didn’t know about Campus Saint-Jean

So you may or may not know this yet. But. The University of Alberta has many campuses. Yes. There is more than one. There are in fact 5 campuses, 4 of which are in Edmonton  -  and of those four campuses there is one which particularly close to my heart: Campus Saint-Jean. You may have read our piece in October “The Ghost of Frère Antoine,” and if you didn’t know about that interesting fact, then you’ll definitely want to consider this list the 9 other things you may not have known about CSJ. Now, in this list I won’t be giving you something you could find with three clicks and a quick google search. Nope. I’ve carefully (or clumsily) collected 9 tidbits of information that should satisfy your curiosity.

1. Every room in Residence Saint-Jean has a bathroom.

Yeah. And they share a kitchen per five residents. Not much else to it. Just a neat little fact to ease you in to this list. Taking it slowwwww.

2. Saint-Jean is about as old as the University of Alberta!

(Oblate Grandin Archives)

The University of Alberta was founded in 1908 and so was Saint-Jean! Sort of… When Campus  Saint-Jean was still the Juniorate Saint-Jean, it was actually first founded in 1908 in Pincher Creek. The Juniorate moved to Edmonton in 1910 and officially settled in where it is now in 1911.

3. Campus Saint-Jean wasn’t always… Campus Saint-Jean

What’s a Juniorate you might ask? Well, it was a centre where men could train and learn how to properly be members of a religious order. In this case it was the Oblates of Mary Immaculate who built the Juniorat Saint-Jean. In 1941, after the closing of the Collège des Jesuits, the Juniorat accepted to teach subjects that were not religious and was then renamed Collège Saint-Jean. In 1970, the Collège Saint-Jean started offering university level masters programs in education and thus was known as the Collège Universitaire Saint-Jean. In 1976, the Oblates sold the college to the University and Sain-Jean became a new faculty with a diverse range of programs and it wasn’t until 2005 that the name Campus Saint-Jean was finally given. Juniorate to College, to University College, to Faculty, to Campus. Many names but one thing as stood through the ages and that is : Saint-Jean.

4. They make and research music. And it’s great.

CSJ is home to the first (and only) acoustics lab in the country. At the Bel Canto Vocal Acoustics Laboratory, Professor Laurier Fagnan researches and analyses vocal acoustics and visually displays them with special tools so that singers may visually see and improve their voice. Cool. Not only that, Professor Fagnan directs the Chorale Saint-jean (a choir). Composed of students, faculty members and members of the community, the Chorale Saint-Jean is the largest francophone choir in western Canada and has toured in Quebec and Europe. 

5. Not just another French education school

Myth: Campus Saint-Jean only has an education program.

Fact: CSJ actually has undergraduate programs in science, arts, education and has bilingual programs in nursing and business. Not to mention the first year engineers who can take their classes in French (raw raw frengineers) and the graduate programs in Canadian studies and education.

6. Saint-Jean students get to pie their Dean.

Ok. So that’s kind of true. It did happen and who’s to say it won’t happen again someday? The “pie” incident in question was a fundraiser organised by the francophone community in Alberta and if ten thousand dollars were raised the Dean was to be pied. Dean Pierre Yves-Mocquais insisted that it be students who pie him and… well I’m still a student so that’s a good sign… right?

You can watch it here.

7. There is research. And a lot of it. 

Image courtesy of copyrightuser.org

Remember that vocal acoustics lab? Well, that’s only one part of the research that goes on at CSJ. Campus Saint-Jean isn’t only an interdisciplinary post-education institution: it’s also an interdisciplinary hub for research. It includes two research institutions: The Institution for Canadian studies and the Institution for Francophone heritage in western Canada. On top of that, professors at Saint-Jean conduct other research such as (but not limited to) molecular structure calculations and three-parameter s-wave central potentials. (Exciting stuff.)

8. Politics don’t seem to scare away Saint-Jean alumni

Randy Boissonault, MP elect for the Edmonton-Centre riding, is Campus Saint-Jean Alumni! Plus,  he also served as Students’ Union president, was a Rhodes Scholar at the University of Oxford, co-founded Literacy Without Borders and is one of the founders of Startup Edmonton. 

Senator Claudette Tardif is amongst the first women to graduate from Saint-Jean. She went on to become professor and Dean of Faculty Saint-Jean before becoming Vice-President of the University of Alberta. Shortly after that she was appointed to the Canadian senate in 2005.

9. They take their hockey seriously.

The game of hockey has been around at Saint-Jean for about as long as… well about as long as Saint-Jean itself! Dating back to the early 20th century, the Oblate fathers of the Juniorat Saint-Jean would create an outdoor rink where the students could play hockey. Teams composed of Saint-Jean players have held many names as well such as Canadiens, Les Frontenacs, Les Satellites, Les Ours Dorés (play on “Golden Bears”) and finally hold the name of Les Centurions today. Former Saint-Jean students have also played in the NHL such Johnny Gottselig who played for the Chicago Blackhawks between 1928 and 1946 while his teammate Valentin Edward « Vic » Hoffinger who was also from Russia and from Saint-Jean joined him in 1927. Recently, Saint-Jean alumni Mario Giguère has taken up a Don Cherry like persona and publishes hockey stories in Le Franco the weekly francophone newspaper. The current hockey club at CSJ, Les Centurions, now host a Heritage Classic hockey game every year where alumni face off against the young students in the hopes of asserting their hockey prowess against the younger skaters. After having lost last year’s cup, the Anciens (the ancients) alumni team have won this year’s game to reclaim the trophy. 

Colin - YouAlberta Contributor

This is Colin is franco-albertan, hailing from the rural town of Saint-Paul where they have a landing pad to welcome any potential alien life forms. Weird? Maybe, but what's really weird is how many awesome people there are in that town. He loves sports, books and movies and he might love Lego a little too much. Colin is currently taking a victory lap with a political science major and economics minor over at Campus Saint-Jean, and he wants you to know that if you haven't had the chance to go there yet, you're missing out.

January is Weird OR The Emotions of January as told by Emojis

Ah, January. 

What a weird month. Winter holidays are over, the days are getting longer, and midterms are just around the corner. ALREADY. 
January is the month we make resolutions and the month we break them. 
It is the month when we look forward to going back to school and it is the month when we desperately start to long for Reading Week. 
My January highs have been very high, and my January blues, very real. 
Let’s be honest, there is no weirder month than January. 


My January emotions have been all over the map.  I thought it would be fun to document my emotional rollercoaster with a very non-scientific and wholly inaccurate weekly emoji. Who knows, maybe you thought you were alone in the matter? Maybe you feel the same as I do, or maybe you don’t. In any case, you might relate to a few of these emotions. And you might be asking a similar question as I am: Is it February yet? (Almost!!) 

Week 1: Excited 

Emoji provided by http://emojipedia.org

I only made it to half of my classes this week because (me being the poor student that I am,) I got the cheapest flight back to Edmonton and of course that was on the Wednesday after classes had already begun.  But I was excited to come back! I knew that nothing extremely academic would happen during the first class (aside from reading the syllabus) so I took this time to catch up with friends and classmates. My coffee table talk was on par as I probably asked 100 people how their holidays went. I was positively optimistic as I took a weekend trip to Jasper knowing sooner than later my weekends would not be this free. In my eyes, the first week was a complete success! 

Week 2: Annoyed 

Emoji provided by http://emojipedia.org

I almost had allof my textbooks bought by this time. Though my motivation to get busy was at a slow crawl. I kept telling myself “ Okay, tomorrow is the day. You. Books. Learning. Tomorrow. For real. You can do this, Jobey!  By week 2 back at school , I’m still trying to keep my resolutions I made January 1st, although the fresh produce and healthy eating decreases significantly this week as I realize that I still have a few textbooks to buy and tuition is due at the end of the month. This week I’m thankful for that “emergency case” of Kraft Dinner, my aunt gave me when I moved this year. Tomorrow I will get down to business and get back into school mode. Tomorrow. I finish my week off with very little done and a weekend to catch up. Instead I party on Saturday and spend all day Sunday watching Law and Order and eating Kraft Dinner (thanks again, Auntie!). At this point, I’m annoyed at my poor work ethic and ready to shut down my Netflix account. 

Week 3: Slightly overwhelmed. Slightly optimistic

Emoji provided by http://emojipedia.org

I start off Monday slightly perturbed and instead of trying to be optimistic I’m just a grouch. I’m running out of excuses. There are no more “tomorrows” left. I’ve got an assignment due this week. After getting through Monday, I realize that I really need to pick up my socks. I’m mad at myself, but I am also not helping myself.  I spend an evening in the library with my tunes on full blast and I start to feel better about this semester. I can do it. I am not perfect and I’ve got off to a slow start, but that doesn’t have to dictate my semester. This week is a new start for the rest of the semester. Instead of coffee dates, I organize study sessions with friends. I can do this!

Week 4: Getting my groove back- Slowly, but surely. 

Emoji provided by http://emojipedia.org

I’m feeling good.  I’m busy but I feel proud of my work. Classes and assignments are full steam ahead and midterms are already around the corner. There are tons of events happening on campus (like I-Week), so instead of staying cramped up in my room watching Netflix, I explore! Reading Week is coming up soon and I’m also excited to spend some time away from the library! I am thankful for my friends and family who helped me out this month. It wasn’t easy. I was physically, emotionally and mentally tested, but I made it through. Tuition is paid, assignments are due and I made it through. I’ve abandoned my New Years resolutions, because they were stupid anyway. I don’t need  New Year’s resolutions to be a better person than I was yesterday. Tomorrow is a new day and in just a few days a new month is upon us. 

January is a weird month--the weirdest, in my opinion. 
But something that got me through (besides having great friends and family to talk with) was the reassurance that I am worth more than my assignments; my transcript is not who I am. January is what it is, and soon it will be done. My slow start is apart of my journey. 

But it will not define me. 

Jobey - YouAlberta Contributor

Jobey is in her fifth and final year studying Spanish Language and Literature & Women's and Gender Studies. She gets most of her inspiration from Vines & YouTube videos and over enthusiastically quotes them any chance she gets. When Jobey is not spending her days and nights in Rutherford Library, she can be heard from miles away "trying" to whisper. She really can’t whisper. Like, not even a little bit.


Originally published on 27 Jan 2015

YA Asks: What do you like to do during winter?

Winter time has finally arrived…and I love it!

If you’re anything like me, I am pretty sure it makes you happy whenever you see fresh blanket of snow on the ground. I mean, what’s not to love? Beautiful scenery, fun winter activities, warm fuzzy socks, hot drinks, and of course, staying at home all day (in your bed) doing nothing. Also, winter season also signifies that Christmas is just around the corner.

So, to reassure myself that I am not the only one who’s liking the cold winter season, I’ve decided to walk around campus and ask my fellow U of A students about the things or activities they like to do during winter season. Here’s what they’ve got to say:

I am not an outdoorsy person so I personally like to stay home during winter time. Nothing like a good book, a hot cup of tea, and a cozy lap blanket on a cold winter’s day! 

So, what are your favourite things to do during winter? Don’t forget to share your thoughts on the comment section below!

P.S., Stay warm, UAlberta!

Kevin - YouAlberta Contributor

Kevin is a 4th year Anthropology Honors student. He hails from the Philippines and has been living as a proud Edmontonian for half a decade. When he is not busy, which is a rare occurrence, Kevin enjoys long walks, volunteering, and binge-watching past seasons of Survivor. He aspires to become a ‘cool’ social scientist while trying to get his Twitter account verified (though he doesn’t tweet much). His most prized possession (for now) is a signed copy of Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake.

A few random minutes with the 2015-16 SU VPs

Meet SU President Navneet Khinda's pal (a.k.a the SU Vice-presidents) as they answer our thought provoking, deeply engaging, and often hilariously random YA questions.







We also asked Cody, Dylan, Fahim, and Vivian what questions they add to the YA list - here's what they've come up with:

Cody Bondarchuk, VP (Operations & Finance)

Dylan Hanwell, VP (External)

Fahim Rahman, VP (Academic)

Vivian Kwan, VP (Student Life)

So, if you see them while sitting in class or walking around, say "hi!" And maybe share your answer to their questions.

Kevin - YouAlberta Contributor

Kevin is a 4th year Anthropology Honors student. He hails from the Philippines and has been living as a proud Edmontonian for half a decade. When he is not busy, which is a rare occurrence, Kevin enjoys long walks, volunteering, and binge-watching past seasons of Survivor. He aspires to become a ‘cool’ social scientist while trying to get his Twitter account verified (though he doesn’t tweet much). His most prized possession (for now) is a signed copy of Margaret Atwood’s Oryx and Crake.